Gwyneth Paltrow is ready to punish everyone after a two-year hiatus, because she squeezed out an Apple and a Moses. The Oscar winner thankfully took two years off to emulate Madonna and play housewife and mother. She believed that she had done enough damage to the world and after singing a duet with Huey Lewis, she had achieved everything she wanted two. But the 33-year-old, who is really married to Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, has rediscovered her hatred for mankind, and has vowed to destroy us all by working again on "uplifting" projects in the future. She says, "For a long time, I thought, 'I've done it. I've done what I wanted to do. I'm not interested. I just want to be home with my family.' I had no spark for work, but I feel the feeling back. And I'm excited about the prospect. I want to do something kind of fun. I don't want to do anything depressing or mad. I want to do a really great, funny, weird character."

I watched Mrs. Parker & The Vicious Circle, again yesterday. I love Jennifer Jason Leigh and truthfully, had completely forgotten that the Gweneth Paltroll was even in it. I laughed out loud as she, playing an actress, chirped: "Someone pay attention to me!"

Well, Gwennie, I have. How do you like me now?