Confessions on a Blog
It's official. Celebrities are stupider than you. The evidence just keeps evolving.
For instance, Freddie Prinze Jr. recently reported that he had mysteriously cracked a rib while asleep. Maybe Sarah Michelle was having Buffy dreams and kicked him. As it turns out, this was not the case. Freddie says, "(My rib) is not cracked. It's officially torn muscles between two ribs. I ate a lot and my stomach was a little upset and I went to bed and I woke up the next day and I felt like I broke a rib. (I ate) a lot of Chinese food. My favorite little place in New York is a place called Chun Lee and they have a lot of food and I ate all of it. It hurts really bad."
Umm...Exactly how much Chinese food does one have to eat to tear the muscles between one's ribs? Next time, look for a place that doesn't use MSG.
Then of course, there is this:
It's just so easy to tear this girl apart. She is so out of touch. Obviously, Ashlee would not be "famous" were it not for her relation to Jessica, who I suppose encourages her little sister, knowing damn well it makes herself appear more attractive and talented everytime Ash is seen or heard. The song she "sang" on SNL last week was apparently co-written by a walrus, as much of the verses were performed in a tone only sea cows could appreciate.
Finally, Lindsay Lohan has become a director. Fulfilling the life-long ambition of everyone in Hollywood, Lohan has directed her new music video, depicting the horror of her childhood. The video features Lindsey's 11 year old sister reliving the pain and torment Lindsey went through listening to her parents fight! The song is called "Confessions of a Broken Heart", which is also the name of her new album. Which brings us to Madonna, whose new album is called "Confessions on a Dancefloor." This is only a coincidence. We, as the listening audience, have brought this on ourselves. We have begged our red-headed divas to confess. We cried for more disco songs about kabbalah. We drove Lindsey to drive.
Frankly, the only confessions I am interested in are the kind Freddie Prinze Jr. made. Just tell us how stupid you are and all will be forgiven.
For instance, Freddie Prinze Jr. recently reported that he had mysteriously cracked a rib while asleep. Maybe Sarah Michelle was having Buffy dreams and kicked him. As it turns out, this was not the case. Freddie says, "(My rib) is not cracked. It's officially torn muscles between two ribs. I ate a lot and my stomach was a little upset and I went to bed and I woke up the next day and I felt like I broke a rib. (I ate) a lot of Chinese food. My favorite little place in New York is a place called Chun Lee and they have a lot of food and I ate all of it. It hurts really bad."
Umm...Exactly how much Chinese food does one have to eat to tear the muscles between one's ribs? Next time, look for a place that doesn't use MSG.
Then of course, there is this:
It's just so easy to tear this girl apart. She is so out of touch. Obviously, Ashlee would not be "famous" were it not for her relation to Jessica, who I suppose encourages her little sister, knowing damn well it makes herself appear more attractive and talented everytime Ash is seen or heard. The song she "sang" on SNL last week was apparently co-written by a walrus, as much of the verses were performed in a tone only sea cows could appreciate.
Finally, Lindsay Lohan has become a director. Fulfilling the life-long ambition of everyone in Hollywood, Lohan has directed her new music video, depicting the horror of her childhood. The video features Lindsey's 11 year old sister reliving the pain and torment Lindsey went through listening to her parents fight! The song is called "Confessions of a Broken Heart", which is also the name of her new album. Which brings us to Madonna, whose new album is called "Confessions on a Dancefloor." This is only a coincidence. We, as the listening audience, have brought this on ourselves. We have begged our red-headed divas to confess. We cried for more disco songs about kabbalah. We drove Lindsey to drive.
Frankly, the only confessions I am interested in are the kind Freddie Prinze Jr. made. Just tell us how stupid you are and all will be forgiven.
