Queerest of the Queer

These Kids Are Alright

2011-10-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

This is the new video from M83. I recommend that you get this album as soon as possible and start listening to it non-stop until you can do what the kids in the video can do. I'm already way ahead of you.

Album of the year, hands down...

M83 - Midnight City from naiverecords on Vimeo.

Hair Double Dare!

2011-06-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

Seriously, what other pop bitch on the current cultural landscape can do THIS:

WTH!

Gracing Agefully

2011-06-08T14:04:00.001-07:00

Madonna is really starting to look her age.

Gaga Gweneth and Graham

2011-05-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

THis is like some kind of heaven.... Watch and weep bitches:

What a Geoffrey Rush!

Russell Brand is Intelligent

2011-04-22T10:52:00.000-07:00

I adore these kind of moments when celebrities drop the "drag" and be who they are. I always thought of Brand as such a bore.

Gentleman Reg - Wild Heart

2011-01-17T18:49:00.000-08:00

lord of the rings

2011-01-14T20:59:00.000-08:00

Diamond Rings - Wait & See
Diamond Rings - Wait & See
Diamond Rings - Wait & See
Diamond Rings - Wait & See
Diamond Rings - Wait & See
Diamond Rings - Wait & See
Diamond Rings - Wait & See
Diamond Rings - Wait & See

Diamond Rings - Show Me Your Stuff

2011-01-14T20:48:00.000-08:00

a star is born.

I Wish...

2010-11-15T12:55:00.000-08:00

Go For Credit in the Straight World

2010-10-12T15:27:00.000-07:00

In honor of all those who finally came out.

Love In Your Heart

2010-09-27T16:01:00.000-07:00

Because I am my own favorite artist.

love in your heart by Saviour Onassis

Facebook Freak Out

2010-09-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

Follow Me

2010-06-10T18:00:00.001-07:00

I tumblr for ya!

Stay Famous, GagaChild!

2010-04-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

Is it bad that I almost like this Gaga better?

Time to do some laundry of my own....

Manifesto of Little Monsters

2010-03-26T11:25:00.000-07:00

NO ON 8

2008-10-26T21:01:00.001-07:00

Do The Osmond!

2007-10-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

In between dodging fires here in LA, I've been entertaining myself with this clip of Marie Osmond fainting at the precise moment that the judge on "Dancing with the Stars" says the word gaiety:

I absolutely adored the "Donnie and Marie" show growing up and I'm glad to see Marie back on the tube, shaking that ass after a messy divorce and EIGHT children. She looks good, considering everything...

Next up: The Bachelorette: Mormon Edition

The Tunnel Game

2007-07-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

New Video Weirdness Featuring Moi!

Blame It On Bob

2007-06-26T23:17:00.000-07:00

I don't want to live my life again...

2007-06-19T00:11:00.001-07:00

Gregg Araki's NOWHERE

2007-05-30T23:36:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, Gregg Araki uploaded the entire film NOWHERE on YouTube. This is fabulous because the film is unavailable on DVD in the US... One of my all time favorite films. If you can't stomach the whole thing, at least watch the ending, as it is the best ending to any film I have ever seen, ever... Including movies where Gweneth Paltrow dies violently. NOWHERE came out in 1997 and stars James Duval. Also featured in the film are: Christina Applegate, John Ritter, Charlotte Rae, Traci Lords, Denise Richards, Debi Mazar, Rose McGowan, Ryan Phillippe, Heather Graham, Nathan Bexton, Eve Plumb and Christopher Knight (from The Brady Bunch), Guillermo Diaz, Jeremy Jordan, Kathleen Robertson, Beverly D'Angelo and a very young Mena Suvari. I posted all nine segments for your viewing pleasure.

Thank you, Gregg. You are genius and I adore you.

This last clip is my favorite.

Guitar Lesson with Courtney Love

2007-04-17T09:33:00.000-07:00

Check out my other videos, subscribe, add me as a friend on my YouTube page. More craziness to come, kids...

Must See Film: GRINDHOUSE

2007-04-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Planet,
Listen, I know you are all busy with your heads up your asses. Still, I believe that if you want to experience one of the better things to come along (cinematically), then I suggest removing your cranium from your rectal area and head out to the multiplex to see the Tarantino/Rodriguez double-feature GRINDHOUSE. That's right! Two movies for the price of one!

Both films feature Rose McGowan prominently. She's one of my all time favorites... Plus, you get zombies, Bruce Willis, explosions, car crashes, funny trailers, Kurt Russell and maybe even a lap dance! Why wouldn't you want to see it? I've been to the Grindhouse theater, here in LA, and it's so much fun. These are campy, fanastically stupid films and I can hardly believe that this is being called a box office bomb. I have seen Grindhouse twice already and I will probably go again.

But if Blades of Glory is more your kind of thing.... Nevermind.

Sincerely,
SO

OMG!!!

2007-03-26T22:27:00.001-07:00

Lily Tomlin freaking out on the set of "I Heart Huckabees."

I Want Candy, Who Doesn't?

2007-03-03T14:22:00.000-08:00

Whilst thrift shopping with my friend, I stumbled upon a Spice Girls doll. Now, I already own Ginger and get the feeling that the girl was lonely... So when I saw a Mel C Doll, I knew I had to have it. These aren't the "collectible" original edition dolls, but the "on tour" dolls. Maybe they will be worth something someday, too.

In another profound pop culture coincidence, Mel has covered Bow Wow Wow's I Want Candy. Seriously. I ask you, who doesn't?

Oh Joy!

2007-02-15T14:12:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to keep you all abreast of the latest things that penetrate my psyche, I present Joy Fleming:

Rest In Peace: Yvonne De Carlo

2007-01-23T15:41:00.000-08:00

When I first visited Hollywood, as a tourist, I strolled along the Walk of Fame and chose to have my picture taken with the star belonging to the beautiful Yvonne De Carlo. Best known as Lily Munster, De Carlo was the one I chose to honor that day, so many years ago. She left this earth on January 8th, 2007 and this truly saddens me. She was a talented lady and she will be missed.

U2 "Window in the Skies"

2007-01-06T20:24:00.000-08:00

This is just brilliant and you need to watch:

Just when I was ready to write them off.... Fuckin' Bono & Co. come through with this video which makes me want to blow their editor. Wow... What do you think?

This Is How The World Ends

2006-11-29T21:08:00.000-08:00

For you music connoisseurs and myspace freaks: I have just posted a brand new song on myspace which you can HEAR if you want. It's called This Is How The World Ends and it was inspired by my recent experiences with the apocalypse, lapses of faith and hatred of love songs. It's pretty cool...

Here are the lyrics, as transcribed by a slave army of meerkats and naturally, mine all mine. As in: Copyright Saviour Onassis 2006 All Rights Reserved and other legal bullshit. You know the drill....

THIS IS HOW THE WORLD ENDS
I belong a long way down here
where the song sings sweet and low
winter light has dried your tears
another day and night will be a year

you're lyin when your lips are movin
I'm cryin like I'm in a movie
Shangri-la is lost forever
we search for something special

as far as sacrifices go you're as good as gold
I've been given a lie in the shape of hope
and another hand to tie the rope
before I crash into the rocks and sea
one last thought occurs to me:
we only pray for what we don't believe

yes, I'm an optimist except for the shit I'm in
love doesn't factor in ~ I never learned to swim
baby, I'm drowning here ~ stuck in a state of fear
there's not enough oxygen ~ I'm goin down again

so this is how the world ends
just like I imagined all along

but the people want a love song
and they want to sing along with it
sometimes they imagine
that it's their own when they're down in it
but I can't write a love song
and I won't explain the reasons why
sometimes I imagine if I fall in love
it would only die...

Courtney Love Rocks!

2006-11-14T19:13:00.000-08:00

Alright, kids... YouTube had to take down the trailer for Gore Vidal's Caligula, which was pretty fucking great but violated several laws. So, in it's place... I give you a "classic" in which an animated Courtney teaches kids about the power of expletives in a School House Rock style parody.

File Under: WTF?

2006-11-06T22:50:00.000-08:00

This makes me laugh and feel really awful at the same time.

Get On The SHORTBUS

2006-10-13T11:08:00.000-07:00

By all means, you have to see John Cameron Mitchell's new film, Shortbus. It's an exhilarating cinematic experience exploring sexuality, love and life. Set in post 9/11 New York, mostly unknown actors (the best kind) engage in graphic sex scenes that help tell the story of their characters. It's an astonishingly beautiful film, intimate and engaging. I highly recommend it.

I love JCM's Hedwig & The Angry Inch and was more than a little worried that he planned to follow it up with "The Sex Film Project", as it was known for the last several years. But Mitchell delivers the goods here. It is explicit, but not in a titillating way, you become invested in the characters and the journey they are on. I can't really articulate exactly what I think of the film quite yet... In some ways, I feel like I have never seen a movie before in my life. I have definitely not seen anything like this before and it excites me to think about the ways this film will alter the cinematic landscape in years to come. In an age where people are obsessed with reality shows that are unrealistic, I think that the impact of Shortbus will be huge. Rarely are films so heartbreakingly funny and truthful. It moved me. It made me what to be one of the "special" kids. It made me want to ride the shortbus, all the way home...

Sweetie, Dahlia...

2006-10-01T12:27:00.000-07:00

I'm sure the high camp content in Brian DePalma's new film The Black Dahlia was not intentional, but despite the best efforts of everyone involved.... Well, let's just say that I found myself laughing out loud, more than once. Based on the novel by James Ellroy which in turn was inspired by the real life mystery surrounding the death of Elizabeth Short, DePalma delivers an uneven film with several questionable casting choices. It's Eckhart and Johannson that I had a problem with. Though Josh Hartnett does seem a bit young still, he does an admirable job. It's Swank's movie, though. My biggest complaint is that the film takes so long to get to the Dahlia's murder and Swank as a suspect. She rips up the scenery with one-liners and vogue-like posturing that would have made some of the era's screen goddesses jealous. Obviously, this girl did her homework and it shows, making Scarlett Johannson seem like she's in a high school play. "How do I hold this cigarette?" Ugh! Please!

Some of the long tracking shots are nicely done. Though the films biggest surprise is kd lang's appearance as a Deitrich-like performer in a lesbian club singing "Love for Sale", surrounded by lesbian showgirls, making out.... Weird, right? It's totally surreal. Overall, I liked the movie, just because of where it ends up going.... The first half an hour seems almost deceitful. By the time Rose McGowan shows up in an eqyptian outfit, I was hooked. The only truly haunting performance in the film comes from Mia Kirshner as Elizabeth Short, appearing only in black and white screentests and pornography... She is the heart and soul of the film. "Can you play sadness?" The cameraman asks her.... She smiles sweetly, with vacant eyes... Great job. I told my companion that I would probably really like this movie the next time I saw it. I guess that's saying something.

As for Swank, I don't think she'll win an Oscar for this one, but I do think she should star in a remake of The Women. Or maybe do the Faye Dunaway biopic.... Layers upon layers of campy goodness.

What's Hot?

2006-09-04T20:27:00.000-07:00

Here are some things that really turn me on:

WEEDS is totally hot right now.
It's pretty much the reason I have cable. It's on Showtime and stars Mary Louise Parker as a suburban widow who deals pot to support her family. The writing is smart and funny in a way that television so desperately needs. (This housewife snatched the Emmy away from Mark Cherry's girls with ease. He should be taking notes.)
Justin Kirk and Elizabeth Perkins are excellent in their supporting roles. The only drawback is the half hour runtime, it always leaves me wanting more. Just like weed...

Project Runway has my vote for best reality series on the air. Completely addictive and compelling, I just love this show. Who knew that fashion design could be this entertaining? This has replaced America's Next Top Model in my own viewing schedule. Tim Gunn is the secret weapon of the show, providing almost fatherly advice to the designers. My pick? I'm down with Jeffrey all the way, though Uli and Laura are pretty damn good.

Saved! is a black comedy about Christians that features a white Jesus. It stars Jena Malone as a "good girl" who sacrifices her virginity to save her boyfriend from the hellfire and damnation he faces as a homosexual. It doesn't work... Look for standout performances by Mandy Moore and Mac Culkin. Excellent movie... Just great, despite the fact that it's not really new. Thanks to the miracle of cable, I recently became re-acquainted with its charm. Why this is not in my vast and obnoxious DVD collection, I have no idea.

That's all for now... If something really fierce comes along, I'll let you know.

The Death of a Disco Dancer

2006-09-02T19:39:00.000-07:00

John Travolta kissing a man! Well, it happens a lot 'round here:

I think this is just great. First Tom, now John... The Fall of Mad Mel was nice, too. These celebrities sure know how to keep us entertained!

2006 MTV Video Music Awards

2006-09-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

Here are my thoughts on the show, as it happened:

Justin Timberlake is a hot nerd, who beat boxes! But the boy can dance...

Jennifer Lopez is the Norma Desmond of MTV.

Lil' Kim! The bitch is paroled, but risks being arrested by the fashion police in that outfit.

James Blunt. *sigh* Still?

Wait, Fergie's new album is called "The Dutchess"?

Shakira is a belly dancer, who knew? God, I am over this song. Now I really can't wait for Christina.

Underneath the floors of Radio City Music Hall, millions of Pussycat Dolls are being bred and raised for emergency dance sequences. They are like the Spice Girls, except with VD.

Sarah Silverman talking about Lance Bass: "He's gay? I guess that makes sense. Remember the time he wanted to go to the moon? Space Travel is so gay. Space Travel is like the Liza Minnelli of travel."

I'm embarassed for Jessica Simpson.

OKGO rock! What a bizarre performance. I'm impressed.

Nevermind, it's just Beyonce. What the fuck is she so pissed about?

Jared Leto is so weird.

Ringtone of the Year Award???!!!!

Panic! At The Disco: I heard my parents screwing and it really messed me up.

Apparently, God and MTV work together, because everybody thanked them as a team.

Christina Aguilera is so fucking cool! Looks good, sounds good, feels good, too.

Al Gore? Please don't bring your sexy back....

THE KILLERS KILL!!!!

****************************************
Anyway, those are the notes I took during the show. There was a lot of things that I just didn't watch because of the utter lameness of it. Also, I noticed that they gave almost all of the little psuedo-gothic metal bands an award of some kind. I have trouble telling them apart. AFI, Panic, Fall Out Boy, AAR, they all kind of suck in the same ways. I have never seen so much eyeliner wasted.

Cuchi! Cuchi! Cuchi!

2006-08-31T18:20:00.000-07:00

Answer me this: How the fuck is Charo still around? I see this bitch on TV commercials, VH1, and in my bathroom all the goddamn time.

And what's up with the fact that she looks exactly like she did on Ed Sullivan over forty years ago? This has got to be one of the greatest mysteries known to mankind...

Don't get me wrong, I like Charo and the things she represents, I just want to know her secret.

Gweneth Feels the Feeling

2006-08-17T12:01:00.000-07:00

Gwyneth Paltrow is ready to punish everyone after a two-year hiatus, because she squeezed out an Apple and a Moses. The Oscar winner thankfully took two years off to emulate Madonna and play housewife and mother. She believed that she had done enough damage to the world and after singing a duet with Huey Lewis, she had achieved everything she wanted two. But the 33-year-old, who is really married to Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, has rediscovered her hatred for mankind, and has vowed to destroy us all by working again on "uplifting" projects in the future. She says, "For a long time, I thought, 'I've done it. I've done what I wanted to do. I'm not interested. I just want to be home with my family.' I had no spark for work, but I feel the feeling back. And I'm excited about the prospect. I want to do something kind of fun. I don't want to do anything depressing or mad. I want to do a really great, funny, weird character."

I watched Mrs. Parker & The Vicious Circle, again yesterday. I love Jennifer Jason Leigh and truthfully, had completely forgotten that the Gweneth Paltroll was even in it. I laughed out loud as she, playing an actress, chirped: "Someone pay attention to me!"

Well, Gwennie, I have. How do you like me now?

Happy Birthday Madonna!

2006-08-16T00:30:00.000-07:00

Madge is 48 today. Wow! Can you believe it? Was it really just one year ago that she fell off that horse and broke all those bones? I looked it up in my diary and I blamed that event for what I describe as "a very bad mood." It breaks my heart to think of her like this:

Of course, maybe horses would treat her better if she didn't insist on post-coital cigarettes. Second hand smoke kills horsies, too, Madonna!

But seriously, Happy Birthday Girl. You just keep freakin' me out and that ain't easy. Here's to you and another year of Madonnaism!

I've Got A New Complaint

2006-08-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

Celebrity spawn are everywhere. With all the new parents in Tinseltown, it will be easier to get into the trendy spots. But I'm still not happy. I am sick and tired of hearing about celebrity babies and the latest "bump watch." For Christ's sake, people! PLEASE, SPAY OR NEUTER YOUR CELEBRITIES!!!

This Hollywood Kid, however, is my favorite. Pictured here in the pajamas her father married Courtney Love in:

Long live Frances Bean Cobain.

For The Love of Judy

2006-08-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

Alright, kids. These podcasts are the genius work of one man named Billyboy, who conjures up such strange and fascinating characters... Well, it's just downright hard-to-believe! This is must-hear podcasting from bizarro world... This sh*t has found a home in my link list, filed under "frances gumm."=>

Click the pic or go this way.

Saviour Onassis' PRISON

2006-08-09T17:20:00.000-07:00

This is a little music video I made a while back. I made it myself. No toys were harmed in the making of this video. Enjoy!

Munich in the Summertime

2006-08-04T23:18:00.000-07:00

I've never been to Germany, but I think I might like it. Based on this photograph, it seems like a lovely place to sit by a fountain and contemplate getting older.

Called Upon

2006-07-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

This clip features Barats & Bereta as missionaries spreading "the good word". It shows just how hard it is to get the attention of sinners, non-believers, and even Bush supporters. I never went on a mission, myself. But I have a feeling that it would have been a lot like this clip, but way less funny.

He's What?

2006-07-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

Well, at least she knew something was wrong with him. I have watched this clip about a hundred times and still can't quite figure out what she was thinking.

Song I Wish I'd Written

2006-07-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

New Music To Save Your Ass To...

2006-07-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

While I am moving and you are on your knees... I thought I would let you all in on my new top secret project. I have been working on the first official Saviour Onassis album and posted a sneak peek over on myspace for you all to hear. Let me know what you think and remember: We are all rockstars!

Who Put the "O" in Ohio?

2006-07-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

The Oh In Ohio is a new film starring Parker Posey, Paul Rudd, Liza Minnelli and Danny Devito. It's all about how a frigid Posey pushes her husband into the arms of a younger woman, only to have a sexual awakening of her own. I love Parker Posey and this seems like a lot of fun. How often do you get a chance to see Liza say "vagina" while wearing a blond wig? I will tell you, it's not often. The trailer looks really good. I just thought I would share.

This is the official site: The Oh In Ohio

Being a Bitch-Hermit

2006-07-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

Okay Kids... This is scary because it's like they saw into my soul. Especially #7...

Stevie Nicks' Fajita Roundup

2006-07-07T04:44:00.000-07:00

This is my favorite Saturday Night Live skit of all time. Lucy Lawless, aka XENA, as Stevie Nicks.

"Now there you go again, you say you want burritos...
I sure hope you can keep them down...
It's only a flour tortilla used to wrap around your meat, now...
Have you any beans you'd like to sell?"

Snakes On A Poster

2006-07-06T01:01:00.000-07:00

Alright, kids. This is the teaser poster for the upcoming Samuel L. Jackson epic called Snakes On A Plane. If I have to explain what the movie is about, what's the point? All the information you need is there.

This poster is iconic and brilliant, serving up exactly what you would expect. But now it seems that the official "final" artwork for the movie poster has leaked onto the web. (Thank you to the folks over at Snakes On A Blog.)

My first impression was: Whoa! Nice 70's style exploitation flick poster. I actually have quite a fetish for these. Check out Trash: The Graphic Genius of Xploitation Movie Posters, it's a fabulous coffee table book, sure to start conversations about guilty pleasures and the nature of exploitation flicks in general. Anyway, at first I was down with the poster, until I started to look a little closer.

Where are the motherf*cking snakes?

You made a movie called Snakes On A Plane and didn't put any motherf*cking snakes on the motherf*cking poster?

What the f*ck is wrong with you people?

No one is going to see this movie because it will have screaming blond chicks, or freaked out pilots, or well lit overhead compartments!

We want to see this movie because of Samuel L. Motherf*cking Jackson and a bunch of goddamn deadly ass killer SNAKES ON A MOTHERF*CKING PLANE!!!!

Even the dumbass poster for Black Cobra is better than that. Sure, they substitute a python for a cobra (and a bra!) but at least they had the good sense to put a SNAKE on it!

And what's up with that tagline?
Sit back. Relax. Enjoy the fright.

What about these:
Sssstill the ssssafest way to travel... or

Available seating near the tail... or

In the event of an emergency, SCREAM!

Anyway, I'm still gonna see it no matter what the poster looks like.

We've Got POE!

2006-07-05T10:49:00.001-07:00

I recently asked the universe, via Genius to Spare whatever happened to POE? Well, I got my answer thanks to Mellowlee of Melz Wurld. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

This is a screenshot of Poe's video blog, which resides on her myspace profile. This is the real deal, kids. Check it out. Poe promises that we will all see her "sooner than you think." I couldn't be happier that she is nearing the end of her five and a half year hallway...

In case you aren't familiar with her work, POE is a brilliant singer and songwriter who recorded two albums and then disappeared. Her brother is the writer, Mark Z. Danielewski, who constructed the incredible House of Leaves and has a new book due in the fall. I have so much respect and love for these siblings and I am jazzed right out of my special hotel about the prospect of their imminent return.

Please Don't Ignore Her

2006-07-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the lameness of the last clip I posted. I was in a mood.

JR and I were perusing some of my favorite clips and we discovered the holy grail of youtube! Meet Nikki, from the British television show "Big Brother 7". This is the best thing I have seen in a long time. For people without access to the BBC, I suggest this collection of over 300 clips from the show on YouTube. Thank you, Artynmay! We sat in front of my computer for over three hours watching things like this:

Nikki:

Pete: (I believe he has Tourettes Syndrome.)

Inappropriate Clip of the Week

2006-06-30T09:00:00.001-07:00

This is reprehensible in every way and I can't stop watching it. I think I may have been a wrestling mat in a past life. Or at least, a pair of shorts.

My question is: Just what is he adjusting for so long? What's going on down there, boy?

The Marky Mark track brings back memories I have long suppressed.
This is what the world is coming to. No pun intended.

I'll See You Fags in Hell

2006-06-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

Meet Patrik. He's the genius behind Cobain in a Coma, one of my favorite sites in cyberspace. He, along with his accomplice Liza, star in an online radio show, blog and even have a myspace. I enjoy living vicariously through their party adventures, orgies and barbeques. I was young once, but now I'm just another old fag who isn't worth linking to. I don't mind, though. Patrik can ignore me, I think he's cute so it's okay. Don't tell my therapist. I have trouble reading while you're on your knees when I have a hangover too.

Here is what CIAC is all about, in his own words:

This blog is gossip, ranting, and political racketeering. Founded by Patrik Sandberg as a reaction to all of the blogs people read that aren't very witty or on point. This blog is for rock n' roll, homo, and party culture.

This is a great site that just keeps getting better. I heart Cobain in a Coma, then again, I'm queer that way...

Terrorists on a Plane

2006-06-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

After 9/11, movie executives must have been scrabbling their brains for a way to cash in on the events that transpired. "Let's do something on a plane, with terrorists, but make it creative... Don't be too obvious, make the terrorists white guys or single mothers..." CUT TO: Me renting the results and having to deal with my own fear of flying, which is rapidly being replaced by a fear of movies.

First, I watched Red Eye, directed by Wes Craven. This film had some pretty great moments, but I am always annoyed by his brunette heroines who are miraculously adept at fighting off psychos. Cillian Murphy has a great big movie star face that's easy to stare at and I think Rachel McAdams is fantastic as well. Good casting, but in the end, it's just a slasher flick disguised as a terrorist thriller.

Next, I watched Flightplan, starring Jodie Foster. Is it just me or does she seem to keep making the same claustrophobic movies over and over? Don't get me wrong. I love me some Jodie, but this one seemed to lack any real intrigue. When the reveal is finally made, I yawned. Nice supporting cast, including Peter Sarsgaard as the Air Marshall and Erica Christianson as the Stewardess. I don't want to spoil it for you, but let's just say she was brilliantly cast.

I think I might be over this genre. I have absolutely no interest in United 93. I know how it ends, so what's the point? I do want to see Snakes on a Plane in a most desperate way, though. I can't help but be fascinated by that one. Talk about the real terrorists! Snakes are super freakin' scary!

A June Bride

2006-06-26T00:11:00.000-07:00

It looks as though Nicole Kidman took my advice and married fellow Aussie hottie, Keith Urban, this weekend. I am so happy for her! TomKat has been stealing the limelight for far too long. Nic beat Tom back to the altar, though, making Katie look like the unwed Scientology slut she is. Long live the Australians!

Creepy Smiles Not Included.

God Save The Internet

2006-06-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

Over at Self Portrait as, I noticed a strange little banner appear recently. It led me to Save the Internet, where I learned that:

"Congress is pushing a law that would abandon the Internet's First Amendment -- a principle called Network Neutrality that prevents companies like AT&T, Verizon and Comcast from deciding which Web sites work best for you -- based on what site pays them the most. If the public doesn't speak up now, our elected officials will cave to a multi-million dollar lobbying campaign."

A group of talented broads got toegether "We Are The World" style to record a song about this terrible situation. The Broadband is Kay Hanley, Jill Sobule, and Michelle Lewis. Please, check it out. The song is really great and it's a FREE DOWNLOAD! It doesn't get any better than that, but it could get a lot worse.

So, put on your best activist outfit and sing along!

Sandra Bernhard on "The View"

2006-06-19T23:11:00.000-07:00

Thank you to Mike, who pointed my lazy ass towards this clip of Our Lady of the Lips getting into it with those crazy bitches on "The View."

This is a MUST SEE! Sandy's on the show, pimping her new one woman show Everything Bad & Beautiful, but it goes wrong from the get-go. First, she and Star have it out over who emancipated Mimi, then she takes on that skinny Republican girl, who I think won a contest to be a host. Joy Behar runs the fuck away! It's unbelievable. Those women have NO sense of humor...Obviously, they just don't get it. Go see Sandra if you are in the New York area. It's fierce!

Lost at Sea: "We're Country, Y'all!" Edition

2006-06-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

Morbid curiousity compelled me to NOT change the channel when Matt Lauer's interview with Britney Spears aired recently. I watched as they talked about tabloids and how Brit gets picked on more than any other celebrity in the entire world. I thought: It's because you deserve it, Dumbass! She mentioned how much she admires Shania Twain and P!nk, but carefully dissed Madonna and kabbalah at the same time. She cried. I yawned. Maybe the paparazzi would back off if she would stop having "Oops" moments every other day. It truly frightens me that she is pregnant again. The only really illuminating part of the interview was when Lauer asked, basically, why she is with Kevin Federline.

Lauer: What do you see in him? What is it about Kevin that makes you love him?

Spears: He’s very simple. Women complicate everything. He’s so simple. His simplicity and just he’s like a boy. He just, you know, and he cares. He cares so much and his—his heart is awesome. He has a really big heart and I love that.

I know she says "Heart", but something about the way she hesitated made me think she substituted "Heart" for another part of his anatomy. It's easy to pick on Britney because everything she says and does screams: Bring it on. I should really try to be more like her though, and not respond to trash.

Think Gay Pride, Bimbo! Indeed.

2006-06-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

Oddly enough, Fox News correspondent Julie Banderas has made a big fan out of me. Check it out as she goes off on a clearly crazy evangelical:

Beefcake in Blue Tights!

2006-06-16T16:53:00.000-07:00

After seeing the trailer for Superman Returns, my initial reaction was: My God, It's the world's most expensive contact lens commercial ever! But now that I have had some time, I really want to see it. And I know that it will look really cool with my new blue contacts!

As a kid, I used to fantasize that I was Lois Lane and Superman would come fly me around on the best date of my life. Real life turned out slightly different. My first boyfriend went by the moniker "ZERO", but he did get high a lot... Anyway, this movie has Parker Posey and Kevin Spacey in it, so it has to be good, right?

Art is Deceitful Above All Things

2006-06-12T19:01:00.000-07:00

Continuing the theme of child abuse films: The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things is out on DVD and worth a look if you are interested in seeing a bizarrely unmoving film about a boy who, we know now, never existed. And that is a good thing in this case.

Directed by Asia Argento, who made a similar film about her own life, Scarlet Diva, this Heart was based on the novel by JT Leroy. Argento adapted the book to screenplay, directs and stars in this film. You go, girl! Frankly, having read the book, I was expecting something much more brutal. The story involves a young boy whose Mother is a white trash/drug addict/prostitute and their adventures together after she regains custody of him. The how and why is never explained... Basically, it's a slow moving train wreck with the darlings of the indie film scene showing up to beat, molest and torture the kid. Cast includes: Michael Pitt (Last Days), Ben Foster (Six Feet Under), John Robinson (Elephant), Jeremy Renner (Dahmer), Kip Pardue (The Rules of Attraction), Winona Ryder and Marilyn Manson. The child actors are actually very good and Asia Argento has a unique gift for film making. But somehow, I found the whole thing quite disengaging. Her father is Suspiria director Dario Argento, which makes her the Italian Horror Tori Spelling.

DVD includes a limited edition book of photographs by Mick Rock, which chronicles the "JT Leroy" phenomenon and also some interesting footage of readings, including Savannah Knoop in full JT drag. The more I think about it, I can't believe anyone bought this story. Supposedly, JT went from having AIDS (the initial plan was to kill him off) to being a transsexual (they liked the attention of rock stars too much). Asia, who says she "slept with JT" before the hoax was revealed, explains it this way: "I just thought they make really good pussies these days."

They must, because I'm one of them.

Hollywood Royalty

2006-06-08T10:45:00.000-07:00

Faye Dunaway is Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest: Hollywood Royalty Edition, a deliciously priced DVD with all kinds of fascinating special features. The highlight on this disc is the commentary track by John Waters, director of Pink Flamingos, Hairspray and Cry-Baby, who says things like: "Christina was lucky. Everytime she complained, she should think what those nuns would have been like in the orphanage. At least she got presents!" and "I wore an ascot in the seventh grade and got beat up." Truly, the entire track is almost as quotable as the film itself.

I was ten years old when Mommie Dearest came out. It hit me on so many levels, but as a child, I only knew that I was witnessing one of the truly brilliant creations of modern times. The film is operatic, it glistens and smolders and rages in a way no other film ever has, or ever will... This is due to the highly committed performance of Dunaway. I am not just talking about the "wire hangers" or "bring me the axe", but in every single line delivery, every nuance, every breath... She is a woman possessed. Based on the "revenge" book by Joan's adopted daughter, Christina, Mommie Dearest is probably the infamous film ever made about a Hollywood icon. Scathing reviews, reportedly, ruined the career of its star, Faye Dunaway, but I adore her in this film. The DVD set me back ten bucks and is well worth every penny. The is the funniest film about child abuse, ever!

Baby Brangelina Photo

2006-06-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

There seems to be quite a fuss being made over the 4 million dollar photo of Shiloh Nouvel, daughter of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Apparently, magazines like People and Hello have shelled out the money for the exclusive rights to publish said photo and they are not at all happy with bloggers (who shall remain anonymous) who have jumped the gun and previewed the cover shot on their blogs. Threats of lawsuits and legal action have made the photo disappear from the web. I think that kind of stupid because these magazines are turning down a shitload of free publicity. The actual Brangelina issue hits stores tomorrow and it's not like anyone is going to be able to avoid seeing it. Those trashy tabloids are virtually everywhere.

In order to satisy your curiousity, I present Brad Pitt in a parental pose:

He will make a great daddy.
________________________________
UPDATE: Photo from The Darkhat

Is it just me, or does Zahara seem umimpressed by her baby sister, Shiloh?

Paris Hilton "Stars Are Dumb"

2006-06-06T13:04:00.000-07:00

Hotel heiress Paris Hilton, whose fame so far has been a product of a) being rich, b) starring in a reality show with a fat girl, c) eating Carl's Jr. to make the fat girl go anorexic, yes darlings, THAT Paris Hilton has made a video. Not the now infamous "One Night in Paris" porn flick we all laughed about, but an actual music video for her new single: (cough) "Stars Are Blind".

Apparently, stars are deaf and unoriginal, too. The single is a thinly veiled ripoff of Blondie's "The Tide is High" and the video, shot on the beach, underscores that fact. The song isn't actually as bad as I was predicting and it actually has me reconsidering my take on Paris. The video is SOOO stupid, we have seen it all before: Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" and Madonna's "Cherish" video come to mind. But neither of those singers hump a palm tree while crooning:
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk they talk of suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside
And I'm satisfied oh no oh
Even though the guys are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

Except for the random suicide reference, the lyrics are actually pretty funny! And she whores herself for the camera like a pro... See for yourself:

"I have always had a voice and always known I could sing, but I was too shy to let it come out," Hilton was quoted as saying. "When I finally let go and did it, I realized it is what I am most talented at and what I love to do the most."

I, for one, am extremely happy that Miss Hilton has found what she is "most talented" for and wish her the best in her efforts to become the next One Hit Wonder!

You Go, Girl!

Seriously, GO!

Another BRICK In The Wall

2006-06-05T10:27:00.002-07:00

I just saw one of the best films I have seen in a very long time. Brick is a film-noir detective story played out in a Southern California high school starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Mysterious Skin), Emilie de Ravin (Lost) and Lucas Haas (Last Days). The film is the debut feature from writer/director Rian Johnson, who has managed to craft a brilliantly original peice of work that pushes the boundaries and defies expectations.

The shortline: Gordon-Levitt plays Brendan, who gets a mysterious call from an ex-girlfriend (Emilie de Ravin). He starts to investigate and is drawn into a Dashiell Hammett-esque world of femme-fatales, thugs and king-pins... You know, high school. From the brilliant dialogue to the excellent sound design, this film is a stimulating and wild ride. If you haven't been feeling the multiplex lately, search this one out because it's worth it. I especially enjoyed the performance of Noah Fleiss (Joe the King) as Tugger. See this before it disappears.

Can We Get Together?

2006-06-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

To The Madonna PR Team:

Saturday, June 3rd, Madonna will be back in LA to confess at Staples Center. I missed the first three shows because I saw the Coachella thing and wasn't all that impressed. I have seen her thrice since moving to California; Drowned World, Re-Invention and Coachella. I know I have slagged her in recent months, but she did fall off a horse and has been acting strange ever since.

I notice that some people get free tickets to things like this because, say, they have a really popular blog and it's good PR to comp popular bloggers. Well, my readership isn't exactly astronomical... I am an acquired taste, like sushi - My shit is RAW! And it's real. So, if you happen to be a PR person working on Madonna's tour and you are looking to dump some tickets.... I am your man. My birthday is this month and I have been a fan since... well, since way before she started using words like: Zephyr.

Sincerely,
Saviour Onassis

X-Men: The Last Straw

2006-05-30T11:46:00.000-07:00

JR took me to see the new X-Men movie on Sunday. It was awright. I guess if some people turned into mutants with superpowers, this is a fairly good representation of what would happen. In this installment, mankind has devised a "cure" for mutation, that takes away superpowers and any other disgusting growths. In the scene pictured here, Angel is fighting to keep his wings. His superpower is flight, go figure. Halle Berry can also fly in this movie or is she just getting blown around by her own wind? Who knows?

There is a flashback scene, early in the film, that shows Angel as a boy, frantically trying to cut his wings off in the bathroom before his dad sees them. As I see it, the X-Men represent the "new" minority struggling for acceptance by society, does that remind you of anyone? Society wants to help these freaks by "curing" them. The "bad" mutants, led by Magneto, don't want no stinking cure and the X-Men fight to defend Alcatraz (where the cure was developed) against Magneto, Phoenix, Pyro, Juggernaut, etc. It's a big battle and it cool to see them fight, but ethically, it made no sense to me. Should a minority defend the rights of those among them who want to forsake their differences in order to "fit in?"

Lots of character die or are "cured" by the end of the movie and the extent of how much that sucks is apparent. I'm not gonna spoil it. But I do have to say that Jean Grey is way cooler in this movie than the other ones. First of all, she comes back from the dead as a red-head in heat, starts dressing like Stevie Nicks and can explode people with her mind. I am so jealous.

If you go see this, keep an eye out for Ellen Page, who plays Kitty. She will be huge! Mark my words.... Ellen Page is Hollywood's new "It" girl.

Julie Johnson on DVD

2006-05-26T13:19:00.000-07:00

In 2001, a film version of Wendy Hammond's play Julie Johnson was made starring Lili Taylor and Courtney Love. The film was never released theatrically but did play some festivals and won a couple of awards, including "Best Lesbian Feature" at the Philidelphia Gay & Lesbian Festival and "Best Actress: Courtney Love" at LA's Outfest. Finally, the film was rescued by here! TV and has made it's way onto DVD. Julie Johnson is not a perfect movie, but the performances are strong.

Lili Taylor plays the title character, a housewife who never graduated high school but secretly harbors a passion and talent for science. As Julie's best friend Claire, Love gets to play the girl next door (in New Jersey, no less) who finds herself in an unexpected relationship with Taylor's character. The movie is about self-realization and passion, it's about sacrifice and self-preservation, it's about life.

I have always thought that Courtney Love is a fantastic actress, when she is not creating tabloid headlines or mauling herself onstage. A little self-realization goes a long way. From 1986 to 1996, Love made five movies that went largely unnoticed, with the exception of Sid and Nancy in which she has a very small role, eclipsed by the genius of Chloe Webb and Gary Oldman. Then, she starred in The People vs. Larry Flynt opposite Woody Harrelson and Edward Norton. It was a breakout performance that seemed to get her nowhere in the film industry. She made the ensemble comedy 200 Cigarettes, and returned to Milos Forman (who directed Larry Flynt) as Andy Kaufman's girlfriend in 1999's Man On The Moon. Then came the unreleased Beat, where Love played Joan Vollmer who got shot in the head by Keifer Sutherland's William Burroughs, and Julie Johnson. Two unreleased films, back to back, do not bode well for anyone's film career, especially when you follow it up with a movie like Trapped, with Kevin Bacon and Charlize Theron. Trapped is a fairly crappy movie that ends with a plane chasing an SUV down the freeway. Not my kind of drama. Now, they say Love will star as Linda Lovelace in a biopic. I hope not. There was talk of the Scottish play being produced by Luc Besson, with Love as Lady Macbeth. That I would like to see. Hmmmm..... Deep Throat or Shakespeare? What is a girl to do?

Come back to the silver screen, Courtney Love, Courtney Love!

The Grizzly Rejects

2006-05-14T12:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend, NetFlix decided I needed to explore some good old-fashioned exploitation flicks. I was excited to see The Devil's Rejects because I have worked with Rob Zombie and I have a great respect for the man. He wrote and directed this sequel to House of 1000 Corpses, set in the late seventies and exploits the same elements as other horror films of the era, but with a modern twist. It's a disgusting, ugly, perverted film about disgusting, ugly, perverts doing disgusting, ugly, perverted things. I really liked it, though I realize it's not for everyone. If you are a fan of more traditional "horror" films, you might be disappointed too. This is weird stuff. Any filmmaker with the good sense to cast Sid Haig, is a genius in my book.

But their are other twisted filmmakers at work on their own self-indulgent work, like Werner Herzog, who culled through countless hours of footage shot by Timothy Treadwell, filmmaker/bear activist/crazy person. The resulting film, Grizzly Man is a fascinating portrait of a man on the edge. Treadwell lived near grizzly bears in the wilds of Alaska for 13 summers before one finally killed him and the pretty blonde he had brought along on his last trip in 2003. Herzog created a gorgeous mood, with music and details, though some of it seems forced. There is a tape recording of Treadwell and his companion being attacked and killed. Apparently, there was not time to take off the lenscap. Much is made of this recording, it is descibed in detail by the coroner and listened to on camera by Herzog, who tells the woman who possesses the tape that she should never listen to it and should destroy it right away. The horrific descriptions provide enough details, that I, as an audience member, am finally grateful not to be exposed to sounds that might "haunt me for the rest of my life."

Based on a Story: Peaceful Warrior

2006-04-23T11:55:00.000-07:00

I read Dan Millman's new age book The Way of the Peaceful Warrior expecting it to do what it promises on the cover: "A Book That Changes Lives." While it didn't change my life, I still enjoyed reading the story of a gymnast who meets a strange old man named Socrates at a gas station one night and his life is never the same.

From there, the unpredictable Socrates proceeded to teach Millman the "way of the peaceful warrior." At first Socrates shattered every preconceived notion that Millman had about academics, athletics, and achievement. But eventually Millman stopped resisting the lessons, and began to try on a whole new ideology--one that valued being conscious over being smart, and strength in spirit over strength in body. Although the character of the cigarette-smoking Socrates seems like a fictional, modern-day Merlin, Millman asserts that he is based on an actual person. Certain male readers especially appreciate the coming-of-age theme, the haunting love story with the elusive woman Joy, and the challenging of Western beliefs about masculine power and success.--Amazon.com

Now, whether or not any of it is true, I don't know and I don't care. And neither does Hollywood. "Peaceful Warrior" has been made into a film set to hit theaters this summer. The film version stars Nick Nolte as Socrates. I resist the urge to make a joke here. The trailer for the film looks good and I will definately go to see this when it comes out, even if it is just to erase the image of Jeff Bridges in Stick It from my mind.

Old Queens Battle for Spotlight

2006-04-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

George Michael and Elton John are at it again. No, they are not making beautiful music together. Instead, these aging fags have chosen to bitterly fued via the press and I am only to happy to contribute my two cents. You can read the story HERE if you want the CNN take on it. But children, I like to tell it my way.

Once upon a time, two gay pop stars (both with two first names) were friends and even recorded a brilliant version of "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" together. CUT TO: years later, Elton makes well timed jabs at the Queen of Fag Hags (Madonna) and ultimately insults Curious George as well. I think he did this to sell whatever crap he's selling these days. (Get your ultimate Elton John Experience at Best Buy! He might even blow you!) Now, George is all butt-hurt and blames Elton for starting the negative press about him. Listen to me, boys (and you too, Miss M) take the friggin' high road. Take your accusations and your pity parties and your $350 tickets and seriously consider aging gracefully, like Morrissey. Sure, he talks shit from time to time. But you guys were friends. What happened to the Love? The Courtney Love? We can all learn a thing or two about what it looks like when you can't shut the fuck up from her.

Play nice, bitches!

Jessica Lange

2006-04-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to Jessica Lange, who turns 57 today and is still as beautiful as ever. Lange is currently filming a remake of Sybil, and is scheduled to star in several upcoming films, including the highly anticipated feature: Grey Gardens, alongside Drew Barrymore.

I fell in love with Jessica Lange in the 1976 version of King Kong and only grew more enamored of her in films like Frances and Tootsie. I love all her films and look forward to her new projects. She is by far, my favorite actress of all time. I love her!

Lauper Turns To Prostitution

2006-04-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

It was only a matter of time, right? Cyndi Lauper is starring alongside Alan Cumming and a bunch of drag queens in a new production of Brecht's The Threepenny Opera staged at Manhattan's Studio 54. This I would like to see.

I find it funny that the producers of Cyndi's new show had doubts about her acting abilities. Didn't they see Vibes? Having recently been exposed to Jennifer Aniston's horrible acting in Derailed, which is a trainwreck, I am eager for anything resembling talent. This movie was bad in that mediocre way that makes it simply suck without any redeeming camp value. Clive Owen and Jennifer Aniston are both miscast and it would have been better with say...Ewan MacGregor and Naomi Watts, if they hadn't been wasting their time in Stay.

I saw a lot of movies this last week, thanks to my parents satellite dish. I am sure I will have lots more bitchy things to say about them. Stay Tuned.

All About Evey Hammond

2006-03-26T15:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I decided to treat myself to a movie and went to the local multiplex where I saw V for Vendetta starring Natalie Portman. I have been wanting to see it for a while, which I mentioned before. Natalie recently impressed me with her skills as a rapper, so I decided to forgive her for the Amidala thing.

Vendetta is great, in a big-budget-studio-flick kind of way. Natalie plays Evey Hammond, the damsel in distress, saved by a masked man named "V" who has a lot to say and even more things to blow up. The film calls for a revolution: "Governments should be afraid of their people." In reaction to the State of Fear that rules over the population. Vendetta has quite a bit of "queer" content, which was surprising. Not "queer" like cowboys getting it on in a tent, or trannies on a cross-country trip, but "queer" as in: a future in which being gay is a crime, amongst many other things that could land you in a concentration camp. The philosophical ideas in this film are grand and confusing, but it nonetheless remains interesting and entertaining. Personally, I like the "Phantom of the Opera"/"Beauty and the Beast" theme and here it is in full Camp effect. Yeah, there are a few holes in the plot and the extended lesbian flashback sequence was sort of naive, but the intentions of the Wachowski Brothers (who wrote the script) are good, so it's okay. Alan Moore, who wrote the source material comic book, took his name off the film, which means little, since he takes his name off of every movie that is based on his comics.

Adam & Steve

2006-03-18T14:58:00.000-08:00

New movie from the guys who made "Latter Days," Adam & Steve starring Parker Posey and Chris Kattan. Yes, that's Courtney Love singing the theme song "Love Love Love." This film comes out at the end of the month and I can't wait.

One of the clips features Posey saying how Oprah has "made it impossible for me to have a meaningful relationship with anyone...except Oprah." So true.

Weirdest of the Weird

2006-03-16T16:05:00.000-08:00

Browsing the net, as we all do, I happened upon a fascinating website that claims Morrissey predicted the death, not of a disco dancer but a princess. That's right, Diana.

THE DIANA-MORRISSEY PHENOMENON

What is fascinating is not so much the actual "facts" but the actual "girth" of this site. Usually, I am not a fan of conspiracy theories and the like, but this site is supercool. I am jealous. I wish I could identify coincidences on this mind-boggling level, in my own life.

T for Transvestite

2006-03-13T19:45:00.000-08:00

As V for Vendetta hits theaters this week, I've been thinking about the rumors that one half of the Wachowski Brothers, who produced "Vendetta", is a transvestite. They say money and power can change a person, but this is just too great! Rolling Stone has a fairly interesting article about Larry's "trans"formation and the strange relationship he has with a well known Dominatrix.

"V for Vendetta" promises to be an interesting film and I have to say that I am more interested in what the Wachowski Siblings have to say about terrorism, than say...Oliver Stone, who is also tackling terrorists with the upcoming "World Trade Center" starring Nic Cage. I recently realized just how much Oliver Stone hates us, all of us. There are countless examples of this, far too numerous to list here. Just think about it.

As for Larry Wachowski and the cross-dressing, bondage, etc. I say: "You go, girl! Hollywood needs more freaks like you."

In other news, I watched as the Queen Mother (Oprah Winfrey) told young girls to wait before having sex. Oprah compared losing their virginity to her own quest to become Imelda Marcos. "It's like when I am shoe shopping," said Winfrey. "Do I really need another pair of Prada shoes? If there's a doubt, don't do it." Hey, at least she is trying to relate to normal people.

Also, on Tyra today, I learned that Tyra Banks has an extreme dislike of the word "bitch" and refuses to say it, except when referring to little dogs. So, she does a whole show about "bitches" and says the letter "B" instead. As in, "Does that make me a 'B'?" and "Yo, 'B'! Get off my stage!" It was such a trainwreck! The finale consisted of a bunch of gay guys parading their own little bitches around the stage in feather boas and the like. I guess B is for Bitch, whether you like it or not.

Natalie Portman Gangsta Rap

2006-03-09T19:57:00.000-08:00

Yo! Click HERE to see the chick say "Suck my D*ck!"

Based on a Story

2006-03-07T11:40:00.000-08:00

This is the poster for The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things, starring and directed by Asia Argento, based on the "novel" by JT Leroy. It opens this week in LA and New York. I love Asia Argento. Have you seen Scarlet Diva? Great exploitation flick. This one looks good, too. Can't wait...

The text on the poster (in case you can't read it) explains how the film plans to deal with the recent controversy. "Behind the greatest hoax of our time is the heartbreaking story that started it all. The seductive tale of 'JT Leroy'"

78th Annual Academy Awards

2006-03-05T17:43:00.000-08:00

These are my thoughts about the Academy Awards, as they happened:

Is Jon bombing?

Cowboys are so gay!

Nicole Kidman looks hot.

George Clooney looks hotter. Hello Daddy!

More evidence that Ben Stiller is a complete dweeb.

What the f*ck is Naomi Watts wearing?

Dolly don't need no stinkin' band. Weirdness on top of some more weirdness.

Blah, blah, didn't see it.

Look for more films about Were-Rabbits in the future.

Aniston - lose the necklace. Also, same hair as always...snooze. No wonder he left...

I'd like to thank the people of Earth...

Wait a minute, Gandhi was a real guy?

Pineapple Bliss!

Rachel McWho? Honey, stop with the Bedazzler...

Weisz wins. Nice dress, pregnant, right?

TAB Energy??? My prayers have been answered!

Bacall struggles with the lines. Just make it up, honey, no one will know.

Film Noir. What's the point?

Didn't see it, don't care.

Charlize! NO! How many times must I tell you? NO f*cking shoulder bows!

Penguins win! Nice tuxedos! It's good to see grown men with stuffed toys.

JLo Peron?

The fire song from Crash... Big Aimee Mann rip-off! She should slap that bitch...
Listen to the Magnolia soundtrack again and tell me I'm wrong. Dolly better win.

Bullock and Reeves! Separated at birth?

Geisha must be a beautiful, gorgeous film about the glamorous life of forced prostitution. Sorry I missed it.

I'm as bored as hell, and I'm not gonna watch it anymore!

(Goes to kitchen to retrieve snacks.)

Salma Hayek, smokin'! What a movie star. I love her accent. Baby, you can mangle my dialogue anytime!

YES! Brokeback Soundtrack wins! I still get teary when I hear it.

Hollywood sure toots its own horn on this show. Oscars salute to montages! LOL

What is Jessica Alba doing at the Academy Awards? Was Jessica Simpson unavailable?
Nice Versace though.

Meryl and Lily! At long last... Love this bit. Too much talent! Riffing on Altman is much more fun than actual Altman films. Jesus, this dude is old. Meryl looks great in grape. Memoirs of a Tomlin?

Lovin on the Pimp Song! Every Awards show needs a big production number with ho's and pimps! Bitch brings it home with that last note! Piiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmppppp!

Latifah is Queen of Being Comfortable in Any Room. And the pimps win... Look for Dolly Parton next album, "It's Hard Lookin Like a Ho" out this spring.

Jennifer Garner almost biffs it, shoot! Still nursing, I see.

Kong wins another technical. Why wasn't Naomi Watts nominated? Keira Knightley should be ashamed.

In Memoriam...sad.

Didn't see it.

Ziyi Zhang looks cute. Nice English, girl!

Swank looks swank! She always likes to remind everyone she is a girl. Well done!

Best Actor is... Capote! Will he bark? No . Gave props to Mom, though. Heath and Joaquin don't look that upset.

M&M's are sexy.

What is with Travolta's hair? Creepy. Uber-creepy...

Jamie Foxx in blue silk. Snore.

Best Actress is... Reese! Aww.... Such a sweetie. Watched "Freeway" again last night and have to say that it was inevitable that she would win an Oscar someday.

Trannies everywhere must feel horrible right now.

Brokeback Adaptation Wins! Yeah! Diana Osanna looks hot.

Holy Shit! UMA rules! Uma, Uma, Uma! Nice dress, brilliant hair.

Best Director...Ang Lee!!!! Woo Hoo! Gay mens and women?

Jack is the King of Being Nicholson in Any Room.

Best Picture is... Crash.

I'm bummed. Wanted Brokeback to win. Oh, well. Crash was great.

Now I know how to quit you.

Thanks for the Mammaries

2006-03-03T10:06:00.000-08:00

Scarlett Johansson will not be attending the Academy Awards this Sunday because she is "terrified" of another red carpet molestation. At the Golden Globes last month, designer Isaac Mizrahi (of TARGET) blatantly groped the young actress on live television. Though she seems to be enjoying herself, secretly the fondling has had a devastating effect on Miss Johansson. Sources say that she has been plagued by nightmares ever since and that her mother has forbidden her to go to any awards shows in the future. When asked to explain the incident, Mizrahi simply stated that he was merely trying to see what the appeal (of Scarlett Johansson) was. "God forbid some talent oozes out!"

Which brings us to Lil' Kim and what's all over the jail cell floor? Kimberly Jones (aka Lil' Kim, rapper/hip hop blow-up doll), who is currently in prison for perjury, is afraid her gigantic boobs have sprung a leak. Seriously.

Fit to Print

2006-02-27T09:44:00.000-08:00

Holly sent me this article about Morrissey being quizzed by the FBI. They wanted to see if he poses a threat to the government.

"I don't belong to any political groups, I don't really say anything unless I'm asked directly and I don't even demonstrate in public." But Moz does say some pretty great stuff, I can see why the FBI wanted a date. In Saint Morrissey there is a passage about Kurt Cobain's suicide. The press asked Mozzer his opinion: "I respect his decision." How great is that?

Meanwhile, George Michael was arrested on "suspicion of possession of controlled substances." They found him slumped over the wheel of his car. Confessions on a Dancefloor by Madonna was playing on his car stereo at the time. Police are investigating what charges could be brought against her.

Beyonce Knowles career continues to flourish.

Go West Young Man!

2006-02-25T12:02:00.000-08:00

April 4th, 2006, is the release date for: Mae West: the glamour collection on DVD. This is exciting because Mae's films are criminally hard to find. The set includes FIVE of West's Best at a bargain price. If you've never seen Mae West on film, then you are in for a trip. The shit is as fresh as this mornings paper! Trust me, I am not a Classic Queen- I don't really like old movies, but Mae is the bomb.

"It's better to be looked over than overlooked."- Mae West

Rufus vs. Judy

2006-02-25T11:49:00.000-08:00

Exactly two years and one day before I was born, Judy Garland died. I can easily admit that because of the timing of said events, I never really got the Judy Garland thing, until recently. It's not enough to see "Wizard of Oz." One must witness the intensity of "The Man That Got Away" from "A Star is Born" in order to truly appreaciate the genius of Judy. The Judy Davis biopic helps a lot, too.

I understand that Rufus "Gay Messiah" Wainwright plans to recreate her infamous Carnegie Hall performance this summer. Homage? Perhaps, but this much is for sure- The kid has balls.

At the Heath Bar

2006-02-16T11:43:00.000-08:00

Worth a thousand words.

Meme Fever

2006-02-05T13:25:00.000-08:00

Instructions: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1. Golgotha_Tramp
2. FrankenGirl
3. Self-Portrait as
4. Bored Dominatrix
5. Saviour Onassis

What were you doing 20 years ago?
Dreaming of a career as a showgirl.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was a showgirl.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Regretting my days as a showgirl.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Go-go boys
2. Pool boys
3. Houseboys
4. Rent boys
5. Cheetos

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before by the Smiths
2. Celebrity Skin by Hole
3. Lover I Don't Have to Love by Bright Eyes
4. The Man That Got Away by Judy Garland
5. Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam by Nirvana

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Dress better
2. Party with celebrities
3. Create a line of fabulous useless things
4. Invest in quantum mechanics
5. Eat more snacks

Five bad habits:
1. Saying "Fuck Off" all the time
2. Smoking crack
3. Beating up nerds
4. Being a total bitch
5. Lying to Oprah

Five things you like doing:
1. Saying "Fuck Off" all the time
2. Smoking crack
3. Beating up nerds
4. Being a total bitch
5. Lying to Oprah

Five things you would never wear again:
1. Chanel No. 5
2. Last Year's Birthday Suit
3. Lillie Rubin
4. A frown
5. Fur

Five things that scare you:
1. Chanel No. 5
2. Last Year's Birthday Suit
3. Lillie Rubin
4. A frown
5. Fur

Five favorite toys:
1. My imagination
2. Your body
3. My intentions
4. Your willingness
5. My ego

Manchester Passion

2006-01-28T13:59:00.000-08:00

In line with my newest obsession, I thought I should help spread the word about Manchester Passion, which is a "contemporary retelling" of Jesus' final hours using modern hits from bands like The Smiths, New Order, Joy Division, and Oasis. Airing on BBC3 on Good Friday, the live procession through the streets of Manchester promises to be like nothing I have heard of that didn't involve Andrew Lloyd Webber.

The climax of the event sees Jesus sing the Smiths classic song Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now as he is being flayed by Roman soldiers.

Only in England, right?

There Is A Light That Never Flames Out

2006-01-21T17:57:00.000-08:00

So, I'm deep, deep, deeply into a major Morrissey moment people. I know it's probably just some bizarre manifestation of my eternal loneliness. If anyone were paying attention, it might be considered a red flag situation. In retrospect, after I'm committed, someone will say: "Well, there was that whole Morrissey thing he went through..."

Today, for instance, I traded in a bunch of trending crap CD's at Amoeba for store credit. I was pretty offended that they wouldn't take Season 1 of the "Anna Nicole Show," but I guess I understand why. I used my credit to get Smithy with it and soon found myself at a checkout stand purchasing FOUR new (to me) CD's.

The Smiths "Singles"
The Smiths "Strangeways, Here We Come"
Morrissey "Viva Hate"
Morrissey "Your Arsenal"

The guy at the checkout stand didn't even blink. He just rang 'em up and said: "These will make you feel better." Almost doctorly, as if diagnosing and prescribing medication simultaneously, he handed me my purchases and sent me on my way toward health. I have a funny feeling that he was right.

A Connection is Made

2006-01-14T18:47:00.000-08:00

Next time you are feeling smug, remember Barbarella and all she had yet to learn.

Big Freckled Shocker!

2006-01-07T15:01:00.000-08:00

Lindsey Lohan admits being a bulimic and dabbling in drugs in the new issue of Vanity Fair. So, can someone explain to me why I should care?

This sort of thing used to be reserved for washed up stars who have ruined their careers, like Courtney Love. Not 19 year old starlets. It was called "Scandal" and now it's called "Celebrity." It was endearing in Judy Garland, I felt sorry for her. With Lindsey, it just makes me sick. I have never wanted to bitch-slap someone more.

Now there are headlines like this: Lohan hospitalized after asthma attack!
With all the bullshit surrounding her, I'm having trouble breathing myself.

Marie Antoinette Trailer

2005-12-10T09:27:00.000-08:00

Sofia Coppola has released the trailer for her third film, Marie Antoinette and the results are astonishing. Set to a new wave soundtrack, the trailer shows various scenes from the costume drama, including a naked Kirsten Dunst as the fourteen year old heroine. "Age of Consent" by New Order is the music for the trailer and the effect of the music against the imagery is strange, sort of gives the film a punk feel- not unlike Alex Cox' "Sid and Nancy."

The cast that Sofia has put together has some surprises as well, including Jason Schwartzman, Marianne Faithfull, Asia Argento, Rip Torn, and Molly Shannon. Unfortunately, we will have to wait until Fall 2006 to see how Miss Coppola pulls it off... Until then, here is the trailer.

Keep It Simple

2005-12-09T19:34:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday, my friend Gina was celebrating the 10th Anniversary of changing his name. I have known Gina since he was Joe and would not have missed this for the world. How often do you get invited to a name-change-anniversary in December? A small party was held at the home of Randy and Mark, who have Tivo and literally hours and hours of Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee, which is on the Food Network.

This show is absolutely fabulous and provided much entertainment for me and the other guests. We could not stop watching the beautiful hostess, Sandra Lee, make fantastic creations like the "Star of David Cake". Yes, those are pearls but the best part is that in the center of the store-bought angelfood cake are....Marshmallows! Truly, Sandra Lee is a genius and I can't wait to see what she comes up with next. Her sets are constantly changing, according to the theme of the show and in one episode, she wears a dress made from the same material as her tablecloth. "I just tied it in back," said Sandra.

Sandra ends each show with slogans like: Keep It Simple, and Keep It Semi-Homemade. This show is unique and entertaining, I highly recommend it!

Who is this goat and why should you care?

2005-12-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

This is Rufus Leaving and he is the host of a children's show called Pancake Mountain. Not to be confused with Brokeback Mountain, as I am sure it's not meant for kids.

Pancake Mountain is cool beyond words. I suspect it only pretends to be for kids, as many of the guests are artists that I am interested in. Bright Eyes, Juliette Lewis, Garbage, Hank Rollins... Then again, maybe I am a kid. Check it out for yourself, I promise you will be amused.

Drawn Together

2005-12-02T12:22:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you kids, but I'm in the mood for a little Badly Drawn Boy. Mmmm...Damon Gough.

Mr. Gough (pictured here) is Badly Drawn Boy and he is a genius. I had a boyfriend who looked almost exactly like him and sometimes I pretended he was Damon Gough. I called him "Boy" and played "Have you fed the fish?" while we made love. He never knew, at least I don't think so... While having a boyfriend that looks like someone who calls themself "Badly Drawn" may not seem like fun, consider these lyrics from the song "You Were Right":

"Just had a dream the other night
I was married to the Queen
And Madonna lived next door
I think she took a shine to me
And the kids were all grown up
But I had to turn her down
'Cos I was still in love with you

I'm turning Madonna down
I'm calling it my best move
I'll get her tickets to what she needs"

That's exactly what I look for in a boyfriend, someone who will turn down Madonna and call it their best move. My "Boy" wasn't in love with me and I wasn't in love with him either. Sometimes my memories get all weepy over what could have been, but was never meant to be. That's when I break out the Gough and long for days past, when life seemed endless.

My Interests

2005-12-02T08:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is just creepy...

Gay at Heart

2005-11-28T16:39:00.000-08:00

"We came up with a new idea that we said that we would get married the day that gays and lesbians can get married - when that right is given to them. We've decided that we're gonna use that in a positive way, so the day that law gets passed then we'll get married."

Thus spoke Charlize Theron of her "engagement" to actor Stuart Townsend. On one hand, this seems like a really self-less, noble thing to do but upon further consideration, I just think that maybe she's just not that into him. With the current political climate, it does not look like gay marriage will be legal anytime soon, at least not during the Bush regime.

If gay marriage does become legal, I might be interested in marrying myself. Oh, wait... I already am married to myself.

Walk the Line

2005-11-22T23:57:00.000-08:00

This movie is fantastic! I saw it last night and I can't get it out of my head.

Joaquin Phoenix deserves an Oscar for his portrayal of Johnny Cash. Reese is great, too and they both sing and play in the movie. I was very impressed with their musical abilities. It ain't easy to fill the shoes of a legend like Johnny Cash, but Joaquin nails it.

Very well crafted film.
Great acting.
Great music.
Two snaps up!

Free Courtney

2005-11-19T12:11:00.000-08:00

After 180 days in a rehab facility, they are releasing Courtney Love to an outpatient program. The judge was impressed with her recovery, despite the fact that she wrote a song titled "How Dirty Girls Get Clean." I think it's fabulous that she's free and can't wait for the next chapter in the Love saga. Will she portray Linda Lovelace in a biopic? Will she record another solo album? Will she relapse and be taken off to Bellevue again? Who knows...

That was one disturbing thing about her recent incarceration. She likened herself to another tragic blond: "I just sort of lost faith in myself last year. Getting dragged off to Bellevue [notorious New York mental institution] in front of the whole fucking world, it can really zap a person's confidence. I don't know of anybody else that's a celebrity that's done it other than Marilyn Monroe." Yikes! I guess having certain things in common with Marilyn can be harmful to a person. Keep the hair, lose the tragedy.

Personally, I would like to see Love in more good films. Her acting in "The People Vs. Larry Flynt" was amazing and I think she could be a major actress if she wanted to. Rock and Roll, like Faith in God, is a young man's game. Get yourself a good agent and annihilate the competition. Leave self-destruction to the baby divas. Courtney Love is free again, lucky, lucky she, free again. Come back to the five and dime, Courtney Love, Courtney Love...